Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Cancer and its damages

I always wonder. Why would some medical students want to change their courses. I know they never failed in their pro exam, but they decided to have a change of heart. Unless they really failed the exams, that I understand lah. What I didn't understand was for those brilliant people who suddenly stopped being a medical student in the middle of studying (let's say fourth/third year), changing to other courses.

I still did not get why my seniors in USMKK, left medicine and went to dietetics, biomedicine. (usmkk-ians, you know who i meant). I never asked them why. Cuz I don't think they will be able to answer my curiosity... Better not ask right?

And this is a story of my friend. Let's call him Luffy.


I've known him since 2004. We met during tuition classes. Add math class, to be exact. Our fathers are good friend as well. And so we get along well. It's weird, but I really liked him. My memories of him that time were..he was fun, whenever I'm with him I could smile and laugh. I dunno how to say this exactly, but I felt that he was the only friend that I could really be happy with, in an honest way of happiness. Really.

Most of our time in the class - 3/4 of the time we played, made noise at the back, only when the sensei did some serious teaching/talking(s) we focused!! So much for paying money for extra classes..

He's a lil bit clumsy doing his math. Though, I knew he is a brilliant person. He's also much better in Biology than me. Of course he did..I never was fond of Biology lol...

We only met during tuition classes; every week, also during school holidays, and during our SPM days. Our topic of conversation mainly was about - One Piece (that's why I want to call him Luffy here lol). Also other mangas, other things..Call it destiny or what, we met again in matriculation.

He was different when I met him in KMPP.

He had lost undesirable amounts of weight, comparing to the time I met him during tuition classes. Before, he was quite chubby, but in 2007 he was just average, or quite thin (just like me). I was shocked to see him like that. I knew he just got discharged from hospital a few months earlier, post-operative, removing his thyroid gland. But..seeing him like that is quite a shock.

He got MARA scholarship to continue study overseas but unable to go due to certain circumstances. In his case, it was his health. There were still follow-ups that, he needed to see the physician in charge. See our similarity here? Also, we don't like the idea of being a teacher, following our fathers' footsteps. ahak

After matric, I never met him anymore. Lost contact you might say. But literally, I still have his phone number lol. He went to UKM doing medic. It's weird again, our paths seem to cross, somehow I did a health care course, instead of doing engineering.

Is he the one with cancer in this story? Nope. He is healthy. I think.. It was his mother. His late mother. His mother has passed away last year due to cancer. Allah blesses her. Amin.

He must be really fond of his mother. He is the youngest of siblings of two in the family. The cancer had taken its toll on him. He seems to be unable to see patients, especially cancer patients in the ward. Whenever he sees them, he might recall the memories of his sick mother.

So just recently....I heard he has changed course. In the middle of his study. From medicine to X-ray, medical radiation we calls here in USMKK. What does it call in UKM? So..instead of being a fourth year medical student, now he is a just a first year medical radiation student. Maybe he wants to use that knowledge to treat cancer patients without ever need to see them face to face... I don't know.

This is only from what I've heard from my father. (Note: We had not been staying in touch). His father told my father, my father told me. So my story may not really in its places. Who knows what really is going on in his mind?

Should I call him and say hi? I don't know what would I say to him. "Oi, hang jadi first year pulak?? apa ceghita nehh??" Bad choice of words..perhaps..


brain tumor is a serious thing yet he is laughing

I've seen bunch of medical dramas. In Grey's Anatomy, I've seen what could brain tumor done to patients and families. Suddenly the patients cursing their families, laughing in a euphoria state. Which are enough to damage people and make them broken.

Being a dietetics student, I've seen a lot of cancer patients. They looks really weak, tired, and only sleeping all the time. Lethargy, the medical dictionary says. For nasopharyngeal cancer (NPC, involving throat, oral area) patients, it is much worse. They can't eat. Do I feel empathetic? Nah, never. I only care about my problems. What to do, what to feed, which formula to give, concerning only my calculation for energy/protein prescription, worrying I did a right thing or not, thinking about other patients that I still didn't see, and forcing the patients to eat, please eat!! I say, without ever caring to understand what they feel.

That's why I am no good at being a dietitian. Altruism is one of the quality a dietitian should have which...I don't have.

P/S: I hope he is not reading this. I don't think he knows I got a blog lol..